Wisdom Hairs, Not a Problem to Fix

On gray hair, internalized misogyny, and choosing inner truth over external approval

I had an interaction at the gym recently that has stayed with me.

A woman struck up a friendly conversation. As it unfolded, she shared that she owns a beauty salon. Pretty quickly, I could feel where the conversation was heading. Her attention kept returning to my gray hairs. Eventually, she “invited” me to come into her salon to have them colored.

What struck me most wasn’t the offer itself—it was the energy behind it.

As I talked about the work I do with Rooted Wisdom, the fire circles, and the sisterhood I’m cultivating—spaces for women to gather in authenticity, depth, and genuine connection—I could feel a disconnect. When I spoke about authentic communication, she seemed to rush past the words, as if they didn’t quite land. The conversation kept circling back to my appearance, to fixing something that, in her eyes, needed fixing.

And in that moment, something became very clear to me.

I told her, calmly and honestly, that I’m keeping my gray hairs. I shared that I see them as wisdom hairs—markers of all I’ve lived, learned, survived, and integrated over decades of life. They are not a flaw. They are a reflection of experience, resilience, and growth.

What lingered for me afterward was a deeper sadness—not about hair—but about how profoundly we’ve been conditioned.

We live in a culture that relentlessly pressures women to invest in the outside at the expense of the inside. To look younger. To look prettier. To remain palatable. To soften the visible evidence of time, experience, and truth—especially if we want to be desired, partnered, or taken seriously.

This is not empowerment.
This is internalized misogyny.

The unspoken message is clear:
To be a “beautiful woman,” you must hide your age.
To be worthy, you must resist time.
To be lovable, you must remain visually pleasing to others.

I’m not interested in living by those rules.

Let me be very clear: if you want to dye your hair—go for it. If it feels playful, expressive, joyful, or aligned for you, that’s your choice and I fully support it. I might even dye part of my hair purple someday—because it sounds fun, not because I believe my natural hair is lacking.

But the moment our choices are driven by fear, pressure, or judgment absorbed from society—that’s where we lose ourselves.

I want to be appreciated and loved for who I am, not the color of my hair.
For my heart, not my highlights.
For my compassion, not my conformity.

Love, kindness, depth, wisdom, and generosity of spirit have never come from dyeing one’s hair. They come from doing the inner work. From living honestly. From allowing ourselves to age, change, and become.

The obsession with superficial beauty is hollowing us out. It distracts us from developing our emotional lives, our integrity, our courage, and our capacity to love and be loved in real ways. It keeps women busy fixing themselves instead of expressing themselves.

I choose something different.

I choose to love myself as I am—gray hairs, emerging wrinkles, and all.
I choose to honor the woman I’ve become, not erase her.
I choose depth over polish.
Truth over approval.

And I will continue to create spaces where women are valued not for how young they look—but for how fully alive they are.

That, to me, is real beauty.